I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
