Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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