I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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