i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
do nipples grow back?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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