He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
