please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
