Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
