Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I need to sanitize my soul.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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