im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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