If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
