During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
