I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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