I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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