You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fuck appropriateness.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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