Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
