just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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