I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
