I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
