part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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