Don't make out with my wife yet
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
