So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
