so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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