i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
