I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
