you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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