I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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