Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
