I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
