Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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