it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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