im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
