Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
