Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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