I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
