update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
