Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
