"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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