I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
