Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
