I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
