omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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