From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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