I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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