I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
