Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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