hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
