And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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