Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
