Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
