Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
