No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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