I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
