HIV tests are more positive than that guy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
