I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
