I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Can I color on your dick again?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
