I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
