Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
