She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
