i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
