just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
