im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
