What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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