i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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