you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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