Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
