Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
