is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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