i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
