She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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