No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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